Notes on being engaged
Real talk: when you get engaged, people immediately start asking about the wedding. IMMEDIATELY.
Growing up, I never aspired to be a bride or daydreamed about a fairytale wedding or wanted a big diamond ring. I wanted to be a soccer player, a lawyer, a writer, a teacher, an entrepreneur. Yes, I wanted to fall in love–but it’s always been more about finding a partner (who’s supportive of all of the above career ambitions) rather than finding a prince. I feel incredibly grateful to have found such an incredible person (and pug-father!) to spend my life with, but I’m 100% more excited about the life we’re building together than I am about buying a fancy white dress or making sure all my friends of friends get an open bar.
My mom divorced my biological father when I was very young and got remarried to my wonderful stepfather when I was 11: both ceremonies were secular and simple. I never pined over big white wedding dresses and fairytale endings. I was raised to believe that finding a compatible life partner with similar goals outweighs love at first sight any day, and that if I was old enough to get married, I was old enough to pay for it.
To be honest, I’ve always been a little in awe of the wedding industry: the focus on 24 hours instead of a lifetime partnership, the staggering amount of money spent on a party, the forcing of friends to wear ridiculous matching outfits and the extreme (often unnecessary) stress that leads up to the big day. Everything gets more expensive when you put the words “bridal” or “wedding” in front of it: makeup, venues, photographers, everything!
And when it comes down to it, there are just so many things I’d rather spend money on than a party. A honeymoon, for one (I mean, I am technically still a travel blogger)–and a down payment, for two (on the best coast, hint hint!).
One of my favorite (and most memorable) quotes from How To Be a Woman is about the insane expectations that women put on a wedding day: ” When I hear women talking about how their wedding is going to be/was the best day of their life, I can’t help but think, You just haven’t taken enough MDMA in a field at 3 a.m., love.” Although I can’t exactly speak to late-night drug-addled parties, I do think: I’m so especially grateful for the professional successes and the far-flung travel experiences and the radiant feeling of seeing my name in print for the first time. Yes, a wedding will be fabulous–but I hope that it’s just another day in a long line of memorable and wonderful experiences.
I’m writing this mostly to say: don’t expect this blog to become a destination for wedding planning advice. I feel very lucky that not only are David and I in sync when it comes to wedding goals (mostly: courthouse ceremony, party with taco truck and unlimited whiskey), but that our parents are incredibly supportive of whatever we want to do.
We’re going to keep it chill and keep it us, and I’m going to try and schedule as many mini-moons as possible–because that’s the most fun part of all, right?
