Notes on (still) taking a break
It’s hard to know where to start, where to begin again. Nine years ago, I pressed publish on the first post on this blog, and for the past three-ish months, I haven’t written a thing. It’s been the longest that I’ve stepped away from this space since I was 21 years old: it’s been a constant through entry-level jobs and promotions, breakups and a wedding, moves around the world and across the country. I wondered who I would be without this slice of the internet to define me, without this place to deposit my photos and adventures and thoughts.
The reality is I haven’t missed it—or perhaps more accurately, haven’t had time to miss it. The unexpected change of early 2019, the thing I couldn’t have predicted when I decided to put blogging on the back burner: my company was acquired by Spotify in early February, a $230 million move that rocked and sent ripples through the podcast industry. My sales territory expanded, and suddenly there was a whole new corporate structure to navigate. I’ve always been upfront about my desire to keep a day job, to not only have a steady source of income and health insurance but also a form of validation that isn’t tied up in the words that I write or the experiences that I choose to share on the internet. And although I still take pride in my ability to strike a work-life balance, the reality is that with increased responsibility comes increased responsibilities.
And although I spent plenty of time working, when I think of how I spent this sabbatical: I read so many books, in a sunny backyard hammock and tucked into bed and with a pug on my lap. I filled a sunroom with plants: delighting in the act of turning one plant into many, of discovering a sense of meditation in the regular watering. I planted a vegetable garden, worried about how to make our fruit trees thrive. I woke up before sunrise to hike up mountains, and then watched the sunset over the ocean. I logged 10K steps a day, went to Pilates classes, spent a month without alcohol or sugar.
I drove up the California coast with a best friend, admiring the opulent architecture of Hearst Castle and the stunning scenery of Big Sur. We celebrated our second wedding anniversary with fish tacos and margaritas in a sleepy Mexican surf town, and then celebrated my in-laws’ 50th wedding anniversary in the apartment where my husband grew up on the Upper West Side. I frolicked (responsibly) in fields of poppies and ranunculi, and stood beneath the cherry trees in full pink-popcorn bloom along the Jefferson Memorial.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have the time, energy or desire to write here like I did in my early 20s: I was a different person with different responsibilities, and the internet was a different place. Stepping away reminded me of how much I love to do all of the things, just to do them and not because I want to write about them.
All of the blogging rule books (and my SEO expert husband) will tell you how important consistency and frequency are when it comes to a successful blog. But that’s maybe the greatest freedom that all of those other responsibilities have given me: I’m still going to be able to pay the bills (and book the flight, and read the books) without this blog being a success.
I think I’ll be back sometimes–if I have something to say or a special place to share–but probably never as much as I once was. Here’s to hoping the future is filled with just as many adventures, but maybe a little less time behind a screen.
